Language and Communication

The McGuyver side of me likes to throw myself in situations where I have to scramble and make things work with the things I have at hand. I’m pretty good at it. This goes with language, too. I can usually get what I need with a few words, some sign language, and really listening with more than my ears. I have learned it is best if I let the language around me flow over me, without trying to catch anything. A few words stick here and there, and sometimes it is enough to understand, and sometimes I just smile and say, “I don’t understand.” After a time doing this, more and more words “stick.” I do work on word lists that I need to know, things I look up over and over again, and I spend some time every day reviewing them. Most of my language acquisition comes from the other method.

As a perfectionist in my past, it is a good practice at jumping in and getting it wrong. I have the goal to get the message through, even if the grammar isn’t right. This means I usually speak Tarzan: “hot water need me.” The idea is there, and I get my hot water. I have been learning to put together some complete sentences and have occasional breakthroughs with the grammar, or a correction they have made of my Tarzan finally is retained and used. I like the way I am forced to distill what I am trying to get across down to the one or two words from my dictionary that will communicate the bigger idea. When I have something more complex to say, I will spend time on my own writing it out for them to decipher which is better than trying to go word by word in the dictionary.

I was sitting in the ger surrounded by relatives of my host family, awash in a sea of Mongolian. As the words splashed by, I understood they were discussing the weather, then asking about various relatives, then asking about the animals. I was satisfied to be able to at least know what they were talking about, even though I didn’t have the details. When I first arrived, that would not have been possible.

This method is spotty. Sometimes I understand entire streams of language that are thrown at me fast, and other times I can’t get a few simple words I know I have heard before to penetrate my thick skull. The dictionary is a huge help in those cases. When I first arrived, I always had my notebook and my dictionary with me. Now, I just go and get it when I need it, and I’m more comfortable floundering or just not knowing what is being said. When new relatives arrived and used words I didn’t know, I was lost again.

I like talking with children. They use simpler words, and enjoy pantomime and sound effects as a normal mode of communication. Often, they don’t need words at all. I have had 30 minute “conversations” with Olaka and Turo that consisted of sounds: motorcycle, car, horse, sheep, goat, cow and others. We laugh, make faces, growl and really connect with an ease that is wonderful.

My host family has taken this journey with me. They share the struggle to get an idea through to me, and find satisfaction when the gap is bridged. Enhee and I have developed our own vocabulary of words and gestures. Better than anyone else, she can make me understand something, or can translate to someone else what I am trying to say. When we hit a wall that we really need to find a way over, after several attempts from both sides we will say, “Kelly!!!” and I will try to call my friend in UB to help. When the family wanted to take me to the lake, but wanted me to pay the gas, and were throwing all kinds of ideas and plans into the mix (6 people talking at me excitedly in Mongolian) that was a “Kelly!” moment. I appreciate having that lifeline to use when I need it. It has made hard moments much easier to navigate. I have also enjoyed talking with Kelly and getting to know her. She is a good-hearted person, and I hope this is the start of a lasting friendship.

After being here 6 weeks, something has clicked for me. I’m using mostly complete sentences, and putting together new strings and learning by context new words that stick right away. I passed through some kind of barrier and things have gotten easier. I have been able to talk to all the family members directly, without needing Enhee to “translate.” That is a really fun feeling after struggling so long.

Although I am enjoying the challenge of communicating in Mongolian, it’s a relief to speak to another English speaker. It helps reassure my ego that I am an articulate, intelligent person. I hope Mongolians I speak to know that in my own language, I am brilliant, humorous, and usually intelligible. When someone speaks a second or third language like a disabled child it is easy to assume that person is not very smart. I feel my host family understands this and they appreciate my fumbling efforts to communicate. They also see and value my progress and the other skills I have to offer. I am grateful to have gone through this with them.