A glimpse of enlightenment while nearly missing train

I thought I had to leave for the train at 4:30 p.m. I'd worked it out. I knew some others that had been on the same train the day before. At 4:15 I was amicably chatting with a New York couple. I get out my ticket. Departs at 16:45, i.e. 4:45, and the station is 40 minutes away. Whoops! I calmly approach the guy at the desk. He thinks I can make it, if I leave right now, and I run. He gives me his card to help me if I miss it.

I run down the 5 foot wide stone street alleyways. I'm dodging cows, motorbikes, old folks, monks, children, touts, monkeys, and dogs.I'm smiling. I burst onto the crazy busy main street where the line of auto tuk tuks wait. I go to the first one, a new tuk tuk with a young driver. I say, calmly, "I need to go to the train station, and I am very late. Maybe will miss the train. Can you get me there fast?" His price is great, and there is no time to haggle. We're off. He doesn't leave more than 2 seconds between horn blasts. He's riding the tails of anything in our way, horn blaring until they move and we ride the next tail. He goes zipping into oncoming traffic to pass, taking on buses, trucks, pedestrians, cows, waterbuffalo, and rickshaws. I'm smiling. I'm relaxed. I'm not attached to the idea of catching the train, just curious if I can get there. I'm floating through the traffic and the noise, closing my eyes briefly when collision seems imminent, and then reopening when the moment has passed without incident. We get to the station, and I pay him a good tip, and run. I am running up the road, through waves of people coming and going.

Smack! I hit a wall of people. In the main hall of the station, as big as 1/2 a football field, 2000 people wait in long lines. My first Indian train station. No sign for track numbers. I don't have time for lines. I see a door going out to the platforms. I force my way to it. I don't know if my e-ticket is all I need to board, but I don't have time to ask. I go through the door and hit another wall of people...hundreds and hundreds waiting on the platform. "Do you speak English?" I ask a couple of times. They shake their heads. I get a strong feeling to go upstairs. I run up, looking for a board with track numbers and find one--all in Hindi. I get this idea that I can find my train through intuition, that I have time for one "guess," and wouldn't that be funny if it works? A feeling says, "Go to the other platforms" on the overpass I am on. I go. Now where? "Now left." Through the tons of people I see a train and think it is mine. A man puzzles over my ticket. "Is this the train to Agra?" After some time, and help from a friend, they think it is my train. He seems helpful and clueless. Should I trust it? He points, the train is ready to leave. I am running through oncoming people. I can't see any English numbers, and don't know what my seat or car number is. Now the people clear, and there is a man waving at me. Waving for me to come where he is. Wait--it's the guy who sold me my train ticket!? He's smiling. I'm still totally calm. He walks me to my car and right to my seat like it's the most natural thing. 2 minutes pass, and the train leaves. It's 4:50. I'm smiling and shaking my head in wonder. What an incredible experience! Miraculous. Beautiful. Fun.

I have been working on meditation and reading more about Buddhism in addition to my journey this past year to be more open to intuition and flow. I have been struggling to understand how I can be in the moment, calm, still, heart open, and still get things done. In my mind, that zen space feels passive and immobile, which doesn't jive with the idea of taking control and action to move toward a goal.

This experience allowed me direct experience with how this concept actually feels and works. I had a goal: Catch the train despite low level of success. I was calm and alert and happy, taking each little step at a time while holding the possibility, the goal of reaching the train, gently in my mind. It was a game. I didn't have time to despair, freak out, or get off course. I had to listen. In that state of mind, I heard clearly and took action because I didn't have time to doubt or question the method. It was an experiement. A guess. I knew no matter what happened, it would work out. I was a feather being blown through reeds to the shore. Many things came together in those 30 minutes that I will be chewing on for awhile. I am left with a feeling that I am cared for, being looked out for, and loved.